I'm not sure I've ever been good at resting.
I know I'm good at taking breaks, at stealing away short little snippets of time to do something brainless.
But, I'm talking about a deeper rest.
The kind where you let the world fade away not just for a moment, but purposefully for an extended period of time.
I'm good at filling my calendar with appointments and meetings and getting together and running around and planning.
Because those are all good things that I should be doing.
But, I'm also good at keeping my head held high, barreling into everything with prayer and perseverance and always, always hoping for the best and the positive.
And if I start to get frustrated at the things I see going in the "wrong direction," then I just hold my head higher and pray harder and persevere more, because if I do that, things will come together like they should.
...honoring of people.
...honoring of God.
...in the best way every circumstance can.
Lately, I've found myself frustrated.
There are things going on around me in the planning realm, in the "involved" realm, that aren't changing no matter how high I hold my head or how much I keep moving in the right direction.
There are hearts breaking and people hurting and directions that, if continued in, are going to be devastating to futures and faiths.
When we get good at resting, we get good at pulling back and resting in Him,
in the one who sees all of these things and holds them in His hands.
I may be skilled in trusting Him, but I'm not always skilled in forcing my thoughts to let go of the issues that swirl.
I determine to take a little break from everything and dive into something that requires very few brain cells, and that's when I start thinking, "But I should be doing... but I need to stay on top of... but if I don't do *fill in the blank*..."
And it's not always bad to live in that place.
It's a productive place, an involved place, a caring place, a place where friends know they can count on me, a place where I yearn for people and truth and God to invade circumstances.
And there are things that need to be done... tended to... cultivated frequently.
But, it needs to be balanced with rest... or I wind up frustrated... or, even worse, willing to accept mediocrity.
The kind of rest where I can let the world go, where those thoughts are not allowed to swallow me in captivating ways.
The kind of rest where I can just be with God and I don't feel like I need to always be coming back to prayer about a specific circumstance.
The kind of rest where I can be fully renewed, so I can take a stand and fight because it's the right thing to do, not because I'm frustrated.
Lord, help me.