Monday, May 19, 2008

"Four hours is not forever... but sometimes it feels like it."

Ian is doing a puzzle on the family room floor. The pieces aren't quite fitting together as nicely as they should because of the dirt and dust underneath. The couch is disheveled. Magazines are stacked high on the counter. Junk mail, too. The table hasn't had a good wipe down in weeks, but I did get a few of the sticky spots off the kitchen tile with a Lysol wipe day before yesterday.

Four hours is how long the sugar free jello takes to set. According to Ian that's "forever." Remember being a kid? Four hours WAS forever. And he's so excited about the jello. I wish I could wave a magic wand and turn forever into right now. Maybe the freezer could help a little.

I've been absent. Probably lost a few readers. That's what happens when life storms in and takes over. Hostages. Battles. Rain falls. But I don't give up. That's not an option. Not in this house. Not with my family.

Two weeks ago I was packing for a much anticipated trip to Denver. A week and a half ago I was crying on the seldom-used-copy-room floor at a church far away from here. A week ago I was straightening my makeshift chair-bed at the hospital, trying to sort the words of doctors and nurses and dietitians. Five days ago I was digging through our pantry, examining the carbohydrate content of all my five-year-old's favorite foods. Today I am waiting for sugar free jello to set.

It doesn't run in our family. It's a mystery how our youngest came to have it. Type 2 can be controlled with diet and exercise. Type 1 is insulin dependent. Forever. Which is more than four hours. We can't get in to see an endocrinologist for at least a few weeks. Which seems like... forever.

But my God is bigger. Than anything. Bigger than my fears. Bigger than Type 1 Diabetes. My God is big enough to make the carbohydrate content of a ring pop exactly equal to one "unit." So when all the other kids are running for the baseball snack shack mid-Saturday morning, Ian can run, too.

And I am thankful. Incredibly thankful. For my counters that are cluttered. For my floor that is dirty. For the kitchen table that your elbows stick to. For my little boy who is energetic and happy and will learn to be disciplined and scheduled. That this isn't something that will take away forever.

Sitting in the dirt on my family room floor, putting a puzzle together, watching Ian's concentration... I wish this moment could last forever... which is more than four hours.

"The LORD will fight for you, you need only to remain still." Exodus 14:14

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The Adventure said...

Our thoughts and prayers are with you guys!!! Thanks for your words, you manage to be encouraging despite what you are going through.

amber said...

love you, too!

Crayl said...

God is the ultimate physician too.
Missed your writing, but I understand the break...considering.
It will all work out for good, not harm. :)

Lalena said...

I love you my much.

Cortney said...

Thinking and praying for you.

Thany said...

Words aren't enough. The moment I heard, I have been praying for your boy. And for his Mama whom I love so much. Can you tell Ian that the crazy lady who sat next to him at the Mexican restaurant is praying for him?

Please keep me posted.

Bee Repartee said...

Oh, sweetie, I had no idea what was going on. Your family is in our prayers.

I am hoping for good news, but God is in control, no matter the news!

Milk and Honey said...

I understand, Angela. There is so much more I want to say, but I will just leave it at that.

Amanda said...

I remember how frightening and frustrating that same diagnosis was for my sister's family when my niece got the same diagnosis at the very same age. Thirteen years ago, food offerings we different, and she really missed out on a lot of things. These days, though, there are so many options for fun, low-carb, same as your buddy snacks and meals. Praying that you'll get it all figured out...

MooBeeMa said...

Oh sweet friend that I've never met! You are in my prayers. My son's friend has type 1 and he is a total math whiz because of it! Such a tenderness and compassion about him because of his journey. I've missed your posts, but thanks for the update so I know how to pray.

Lady Esther said...

I was sure by now / That You would have reached down / And wiped our tears away / stepped in and saved the day / but once again, I say "Amen," and its still raining

As the thunder rolls / I barely hear you whisper through the rain / "I'm with you" / And as Your mercy falls / I raise my hands and praise the God that gives / And takes away
I'll Praise you in this storm / And I will lift my hands / For You are who You are / No matter where I am / Every tear I've cried / You hold in your hand / You never left my side / And though my heart is torn / I will Praise You in this storm

I remember when / I stumbled in the wind / You herd my cry / You raised me up again / My strength is almost gone / How can i carry on / If I can't Find you

As the thunder rolls / I barely hear you whisper through the rain / "I'm with you" / And as Your mercy falls / I raise my hands and praise the God that gives / And takes away

by Casting Crowns

Lady Esther said...

P.s. I understand forever. Bethany is who she is forever. I have been waiting forever for a DX. But God has given her to me for a purpose as you have Ian. There is purpose in the pain, purpose in the tears. If anyone understands discouragement and disillusionment it is me. (((hugs))) When words seem empty and fall on the floor He is there and it's just you and Him. He holds you in this storm.

Karen said...

You have the right attitude...prayers for your family in Texas.

Our Happenin's said...

Love and prayers for you all- what a big God we have!

Ratzlaff Reflections said...

Thank you for sharing a piece of what you have been going through. We will definitely keep Ian (and you!) in our prayers.