Thursday, May 29, 2008

Sassy Fashion Thursday: "You're Never Fully Dressed...

...without a smile."

I love this quote I came across the other day in one of the smut magazines my awesome friends bring over. (Addictions: coke-a-cola... chocolate... smut?)

"I'm content with 90 percent of me. I like my teeth. Sometimes I wonder if my orthodontist realized how important he was."
~Carrie Underwood, on her favorite feature

I have thought about this so much. As my kids grow older and I try to impart the value of good hygiene, I realize more and more how thankful I am for my teeth. My smile. It's not perfect. But, do my parents know how grateful I am that they paid for me to have braces... sans insurance? I smile. A lot. On Sunday my face actually hurt because I smiled so much. I just can't help it!

We think about our clothes, our shoes, our accessories, our hair. But so often we neglect one of the most important... possibly THE most important... fashion features we all have. Our smile.

Now, I have friends who are embarrassed to smile because they're teeth aren't what they wish they were. A little crooked, not symmetrical, they're self-conscious about their gums showing. You know what? A smile is the most beautiful thing you can put on. No one wants to be the stern, rigid Victoria Beckham and come across as a sour puss. (Sorry, Vickie. I know we're tight and all.) SHE actually doesn't even want to be the person she's put forth: "I think they have this impression that I'm this miserable cow who doesn't smile. But I'm actually quite the opposite. ... I'm going to try and smile more for America."

So, a few tips:

*If you've neglected them a little, buy an over-the-counter whitener. It only takes a few days, and you'll be able to truly flash pearly whites. You don't need to pursue expensive veneers and professional whiting. A $30 kit will do the trick. Just don't get them TOO white. They'll look scary.

*Blue-based lipsticks will make your teeth appear whiter. Oranges will have the opposite effect. Not a lipstick girl? Just dab on some tinted gloss and go.

*Toss some floss in your purse. You never know when something will be stuck. In a pinch, use the back of your earring to fish out that leftover spinach.

*It doesn't matter if they're not what you consider "perfect." Everyone is unique and beautiful in they're own right! Smile anyway. And SMILE BIG! Smile with your eyes. Let your soul shine through.

Take it from Annie. It completes the outfit.

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Wednesday, May 28, 2008

...because you always wanted to see a picture of my rear.

A while back our family went to the local miniature golf-go cart-rock climbing-bumper boat-everything is a fortune place. The good thing was that once a year all the expensive stuff is one flat price. So, we'll probably go back in another year.

I don't think Uggs are good rock climbing shoes. Now, I don't know from experience. I'm just saying that because fake Uggs aren't good rock climbing shoes, and by my amazing powers of deduction I would guess real Uggs aren't either. Elementary, my dear Watson. (I know you're thinking you should buy me real ones so I can conduct scientific testing. Permission granted. Real Uggs vs. Awesome Costco Fake Uggs. It's on.)

But even in spite of the non-athleticness (New word alert! New word alert!) of my footwear, I made it to the top of the wall! Victory! Yes, I grunted and sweat through the pain of my cold fingers gripping the little hand holds all the way to the top... reached for the coveted buzzer that would alert the world I was the champion... AND... nothing. That's right. Nothing. The stupid buzzer was out of order! Not working! Please, all you who work at amusement park type places and read my blog, make sure the reward buzzers at the end of very grueling and demanding tasks you pay money to do WORK!!! I was so deflated.

I was even more deflated when my eldest shimmied up the wall, swung around to the OTHER SIDE and pressed THAT buzzer that WAS working! My husband quickly followed suit, too. What the heck? I want a buzzer.

Top Photo: Brit was awesome. She got almost all the way to the top, came down, and a few minutes later decided to go again. And didn't you always hope for a view like that of my rear, accentuated by harness straps? Yes. Me, too. It has been my dream to post one for you.

Second: The Incredible Jordan beating some random girl up the wall.

Third: Poor Ian. Evidently rain boots aren't the best rock climbing shoes, either.

Fourth: Taylor beating another random stranger and showing up his mother. Sheesh.

Fifth: Dad and daughter climbing together... right before he also shows up his wife. Double Sheesh.
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Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Indiana Jones Spoiler

I am so bummed out to say that... well... it was just alright. Maybe my expectations were just too high, but I honestly don't think that's the case. They tried to follow the formula, they just didn't hit the mark. Aliens? Come ON. The first and third were about biblical stuff that we KNOW has large elements of truth. The second was about satanic stuff that we KNOW has large elements of truth. But, aliens?

And when someone swings through the jungle on ropes in an Indiana Jones movie it needs to be blundering and awkward and almost-falling-to-the-jungle-floor-but-somehow-manages-to-hang-on-ish. Not Tarzan meets Spiderman meets Coolcomputergraphicsman.

Which is just the thing. Indiana Jones movies aren't entirely realistic, but they're close enough that you think, "Yeah, that could almost happen. That might just happen. I could see that happening." So when they try to make totally unrealistic things realistic it just falls flat. Phooey.

Rescuing someone from a sand pit by using a really long snake? Now THAT was good. Probably not realistic, but it's so close that you think it could be.

Giant, man-eating ants that drag people underground? Not realistic. If they would have made them a little smaller and they just tore the body apart on the spot, hauling the flesh underground but leaving only clothes behind... now that would have been good.

An ancient temple where secret passage ways and rooms open up when you remove a few stones? Yeah. Okay. That may be.

A space ship rising from the middle. No.

I was glad they brought Marion Ravenwood back. And Mutt was a decent addition, but they didn't develop his character enough.

In short, I was disappointed. I've had a crush on Indiana Jones for as long as any other woman. (Good thing I married my own.) And it HAD to be seen in the theater. It deserves that. But, I won't be rushing out to buy the complete boxed set when it graces Coscto just before Christmas.

Oh, Indy, how I have loved thee. And I will say, Harrison Ford does look darn good after all these years. But they needed to play up more of a love interest between him and the Ukrainian scientist before he was reunited with Marion and realized she was the only one he was ever truly meant for.

The wedding and fedora scene was a very fitting end.

Please don't make a fifth.
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Monday, May 19, 2008

"Four hours is not forever... but sometimes it feels like it."

Ian is doing a puzzle on the family room floor. The pieces aren't quite fitting together as nicely as they should because of the dirt and dust underneath. The couch is disheveled. Magazines are stacked high on the counter. Junk mail, too. The table hasn't had a good wipe down in weeks, but I did get a few of the sticky spots off the kitchen tile with a Lysol wipe day before yesterday.

Four hours is how long the sugar free jello takes to set. According to Ian that's "forever." Remember being a kid? Four hours WAS forever. And he's so excited about the jello. I wish I could wave a magic wand and turn forever into right now. Maybe the freezer could help a little.

I've been absent. Probably lost a few readers. That's what happens when life storms in and takes over. Hostages. Battles. Rain falls. But I don't give up. That's not an option. Not in this house. Not with my family.

Two weeks ago I was packing for a much anticipated trip to Denver. A week and a half ago I was crying on the seldom-used-copy-room floor at a church far away from here. A week ago I was straightening my makeshift chair-bed at the hospital, trying to sort the words of doctors and nurses and dietitians. Five days ago I was digging through our pantry, examining the carbohydrate content of all my five-year-old's favorite foods. Today I am waiting for sugar free jello to set.

It doesn't run in our family. It's a mystery how our youngest came to have it. Type 2 can be controlled with diet and exercise. Type 1 is insulin dependent. Forever. Which is more than four hours. We can't get in to see an endocrinologist for at least a few weeks. Which seems like... forever.

But my God is bigger. Than anything. Bigger than my fears. Bigger than Type 1 Diabetes. My God is big enough to make the carbohydrate content of a ring pop exactly equal to one "unit." So when all the other kids are running for the baseball snack shack mid-Saturday morning, Ian can run, too.

And I am thankful. Incredibly thankful. For my counters that are cluttered. For my floor that is dirty. For the kitchen table that your elbows stick to. For my little boy who is energetic and happy and will learn to be disciplined and scheduled. That this isn't something that will take away forever.

Sitting in the dirt on my family room floor, putting a puzzle together, watching Ian's concentration... I wish this moment could last forever... which is more than four hours.

"The LORD will fight for you, you need only to remain still." Exodus 14:14

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Thursday, May 1, 2008

Sassy Fashion Thursday: Get Your Rear in Gear

Okay. Not the most fashionable footwear in the world. Is that an understatement? It may be. But the benefits could possibly outweigh their appearance. Toned legs? Tighter rear? Hmmm... yes.

Masai Sneakers are the latest thing to be worn by celebrities and un-lebrities alike. Since the bottom is rounded it's akin to walking around on an exercise ball. You know. That thing you keep in the spare room or coat closet and always say you're going to take out and use but never really do? These shoes work your muscles while you're walking around doing your day-to-day stuff.

Given, Katherine Heigl would look in anything, but...

Skeptical? Watch this quick video and hear the testimony. But for $245? Well, it's cheaper than a gym membership.

Tell you what. Someone give me a pair, I'll test them, and come back with honest results. Eh? Sounds good to me.
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