Tuesday, December 11, 2007

To Have Someone

A busy day. A very busy day. It's quiet now, but tomorrow will be very busy again.


I heard words spoken this evening that just rang in my ears. You know those times when something in you catches, your heart beats a little harder in your chest, and your brain lingers so long to process thoughts that you forget where you are and what you're doing? Your eyes glaze over and you're seeing, but not really seeing because you're too busy with the pictures inside your head?

"I think it's better to have someone. Even if it hurts... even if it's the most painful thing you have to do... even if it's the most painful thing you ever have to do. I think it's better to have someone."

I'm watching a divorce happen. I've just come across a divorce that has recently happened. I'm a witness to someone deciding whether or not to go forward with a divorce. And I see the pain, the loneliness. They hope there will be others. The grass is always greener...

I'm watching a friendship be thrown away. I've just come across a friendship that has recently been thrown away, never to be recoverable. I'm a witness to someone deciding whether or not to go throw a friendship away. And I see the pain, the loneliness. They promise themselves there will be others. The grass is always greener...

The thing is, I'm not judging what's happening in these situations. I'm not saying that there was an option for these people, because sometimes there's just not. Sometimes there's just. not. an. option. Sometimes we do what we can to survive, to help our kids survive.

But what my mind is lingering on is, what about those people that DO have the option? Why is our divorce rate so high? Do we throw in the towel too quickly? Do those that truly have an option just get tired? Tired of dealing with whom they're with? Do we just get tired of mending relationships? Confronting friends when they hurt us? It's as if our friendships have grown disposable. If it doesn't work the way we want we throw it out and hope the next one is better.

To those that don't have a choice, when there's not an option, I pray that you have other someones in your life to uphold you and support you. I know at least two of you who I'm specifically thinking about right now... you've have had other someones. I know others of you who I'm specifically thinking about right now who haven't. You've hoped a someone would come along, only to regret leaving the someone that you had. I've had these conversations. They're hard to be on the listening end of... but I can't imagine being on the talking end.

But to those who have a choice, don't throw in your towel. Don't throw away your option. Work. And then work harder. It hurts, and it's painful, and it's not easy, and you want to give up, and you think you've been forgotten about, but don't let go of your someone...



"I think it's better to have someone. Even if it hurts... even if it's the most painful thing you have to do... even if it's the most painful thing you ever have to do. I think it's better to have someone."
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6 Comments:

Thany said...

There is nothing I can add.
I pray your friends will come out on the other side of this with their relationships with God in tact.

Amy said...

I too am praying for your friends. I always tell my kids that "The right thing and the EASY thing aren't always the same". When you don't know what to do, or are upset, sometimes we take the easy way out, and throw our hands up and say I quit I can't do this! The RIGHT thing however takes a bit more work at times, but it the end....

MooBeeMa said...

Great post! I think I heard that quote too on my favorite little t.v. show indulgence. Really like your blog. Yep, my husband is a lawyer for the Air Natl.Guard.

Great and thought-provoking post!

Ati2ude said...

I respectfully disagree.

I think it's better to have a relationship for the right reasons than to stick with one for the wrong. Sure the grass is always greener - but the water bill is higher too!

Now, before you shrivel up your noses at me, consider this: I do not believe in divorce (save abusive/adultry instances). I also don't believe in having children to salvage a relationship. Personally, I think if the Higher Power (uh oh, going ultra liberal here) was REALLY planning ahead, there would be a pretest that had to be passed before allowing women to get pregnant, likewise for a man *grin*. Who's to say she's ready but he's not? I've digressed...If you are going to symbolize permanance (I'm certain I have spelled that wrong, but I don't care) in ANY relationship (married/commonlaw/etc) you best know what you're in for. Get to know the person in all aspects. Hang on to your chairs ladies...

In my opinion there is nothing wrong with living together. You don't know his/her daily habits until you do. You may find that one or more is something that is a part of them that can't be changed and worst of all, you can't live with. And if you'd of known it originally, you might not be looking at divorce papers only 6 mos post marriage!

Take the car for a test drive! There is a reason that when buying a car you take it for a test drive. Might look great on the inside and outside, but we all know, if the car doesn't handle well, you aren't going to buy it. Which leads me to "trainable". Before any of you start down that road, ask yourself this: "Have I ever had an orgasm" and follow it up with "have I ever faked one"? Hmmm common communication barrier...isn't communication one of the first keys to a successful relationship? Already caught lying...one crack in the foundation... Congratulations however, to those of you who were able to honestly answer yes and no in that order.

In a two year poll, I've concluded that men and women don't talk about sex. I've also concluded that quality and quantity don't matter as long as you're getting both. It's a true poll, just not published.

Now, ladies, take a breath. Fan away your hostilities toward this conservative liberal, or liberal conservative - however you wish to see it. *smile* Back to the original argument- everyone has someone...wait that wasn't it...*scrolling/opening and closing windows* Ah yes, it's better to have someone than no one - NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH: It's better to have something than nothing...especially if it's a jar of honey in a swarm of bees....

Everyone in my opinion everyone does have someone, and just because they're married, doesn't mean they found the right someone. Granted, doesn't mean they haven't either! I agree, in general, couples take the easy way out. What the heck, an attorney, $100, and viola! Single again!! But I also think that if people actually took a moment to get to know one another AS WELL AS (if not more importantly) themselves, not only would we have fewer divorces but single parents! How's that one for you?! Two birds, one stone. How many people know what they really want at 15? 21? 30?

In summary, *grinning* I hope the best for any couple who is going through rough times, espcially through the holidays. But in the end, what is meant to be - will be. There is, afterall, a plan...and a lesson. And if the lesson is not learned, it will be repeated. Best to just get it right the first time around...in my opinion.


On a second note, Thany, I did catch your earlier post regarding "Satan on center stage" and thank you - people like you, who take time to actually do research and then take a stand, make people like me rest easy at night. Your words are appreciated and hopefully others will follow in your footsteps! Well Done!

Amber Joy said...

whoa, you opened up a bag of worms didn't you. I have to say I am so grateful for a God that will give grace, if and when we ask for it, in Every situation, and he gives grace after a situation has failed, too. I would pray that any couple would work their hardest to keep it together (same for friendships), and after that, I look to God.

Ati2ude said...

Perhaps I have. *wink*