Thursday, December 13, 2007

To Have Someone - an addendum

It seems an earlier post may have caused some friction among my readers. While friction is not always a negative thing (remember that iron sharpens iron), I wanted to clarify some thoughts and maybe add a few more.

I am not saying it is better to be with the wrong someone than to be alone, in any kind of relationship.

What I am saying is that relationships take work. Lots of work. Friendships take investment. Marriage requires more than anyone initially going into one fully realizes. Relatives require openness, honesty, and lots of love.

Love is a choice. Our society has turned it into an emotion, and while certain emotions are at times attached to the action, staying in love requires a commitment to a choice... whether that's staying in love with a spouse, a parent, a friend...

But, let me reiterate, I am not saying it is better to be with the wrong person.

Having said all that, let me say this:

"If God doesn't build the house, the builders only build shacks.
If God doesn't guard the city, the night watchmen might as well nap."
-Psalms 127:1-2 (Message)

All relationships should be built on a solid Foundation. A relationship built on any other foundation can be easily washed away come hell or high water.

All relationships should be submitted to Christ. Our ultimate relationship is with Him, and all other relationships should be under His leading.

I have seen marriages that God built. They were beautiful and strong, but slowly these people pulled away, not allowing God to continue to guard their marriage. They fell apart for lack of care. After 25 plus amazing years, tears fell from my eyes as those who I looked up to separated because they had "grown apart." 25 years!

I have seen marriages that God did not build. They were rocky and tumultuous, and then one day they realized they didn't have a firm Foundation. They turned to God, allowing him to rebuild what had been torn down and continuously guard their hearts. I am inspired by the glowing relationship that has resulted.

The bottom line is that if God is not at the center of our relationships, they can easily crumble.

"But what my mind is lingering on is, what about those people that DO have the option? Why is our divorce rate so high? Do we throw in the towel too quickly? Do those that truly have an option just get tired? Tired of dealing with whom they're with? Do we just get tired of mending relationships? Confronting friends when they hurt us? It's as if our friendships have grown disposable. If it doesn't work the way we want we throw it out and hope the next one is better."

All relationships take hard work. Our society wants things fast, easy. We're not really ever quite ready to make a commitment. We want the benefits of what we want, but not the solid 'til-death-do-us-part part. That way if things get too tough we haven't made QUITE the investment and don't have as much to lose. Our society seems rarely willing to make the commitment and put in the hard work that ANY relationship requires.

We've been given the blueprint for success, we simply think our ways of doing things are better.

We make mistakes. Other people make mistakes. There is infinite grace for every situation when we turn to God for wisdom and insight, but how often do we do that? And there will always be consequences. Infinite grace does not mean natural consequences are taken away. Amidst the fallen nature of our world, we will suffer consequences for others' actions as well as our own. That's a hard pill to swallow.

God does have infinite grace for those who turn to Him. Infinite. Never-ending. Never-ending grace. It does not end. Because we WILL make mistakes and others' mistakes WILL affect us. But, I want to follow HIS blueprint so I will make fewer mistakes, so my relationships will be built on a firm Foundation. I will face trials. I want to face them with Him as my center. If He wasn't at my center, Lord knows I would have left Nate and his "everything has its place in the pantry and the pantry has a place for everything" self a long time ago. And you know what? If He wasn't at Nate's center he would have left my "I can't remember what you said to me two seconds ago let alone two days ago" self even longer ago. And if God wasn't at a certain friend's center, she never would have persevered with our relationship after Montana misunderstandings and distance tried to separate us.

"If God doesn't build the house, the builders only build shacks.
If God doesn't guard the city, the night watchmen might as well nap."
-Psalms 127:1-2 (Message)

I am so thankful God is my center. I will screw up... others will screw up... but He will protect the city He built.
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Amber Joy said...

That's what I'm talking about, you summed it all up very well. I didn't want to be a ranting loony in the comments section, but the 'center' is the while thing! Good addendum