Friday, January 6, 2006

Motherly Love (and frustration)

The boys wanted me to spike their hair this morning. They go through stages of wanting it and then not every few weeks. Today Taylor's was gold and Jordan's silver. But it doesn't stop there. Taylor wanted to know which shirt would look best with his hair, and even gave way when I advised him on the choice of sweat shirt. When we bought him new shoes recently, he had definite opinions on what would look best. Beyond that he supported his argument with how practical and long lasting they would be. (He won, and they look good.) Taylor (and Jordan) trudged out the the door looking very "cool" this morning, and the thought runs through my mind that I'm not too far away from him returning with a girl in tow. *face blanches*
He's nine. That's only a few steps away from thirteen. No wonder there's such a power struggle in our home recently! He and Jord have been at it from here to Kingdom Come almost constantly. Both trying to stake their territorial claim on property, whether it's the spot on the couch or the chair at the table or the sink in the bathroom or the one lego piece left that they booth need. They're getting older, and when one doesn't respect the other the affected sibling tends to try and drag it from the offender either verbally or physically...or both.

Boys. Sheesh.

All I can do is pray and lovingly, often times forcefully, step in and guide their clashes so they end with true resolutions instead of "fine!" "fine!" "fine, then!" "whatever..." And cling to the hope that moments like yesterday morning give me.

Taylor: "Jord, I'm gonna walk this morning."
Jordan: "Okay, I'll walk with you."
Taylor: "Well, I know your bike is getting too small and it's hard to ride. If you want to ride mine this morning you can, since I won't be riding it."
Jordan: *looks at me surprised, then back at Taylor* "Really?"
Taylor: "Yeah, that's fine."
Jordan: "Okay, I'll ride."
And they're out the door peacefully, as if they're always best friends who love to share.

Boys. Sheesh.
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Thursday, January 5, 2006

Any day now

We're in the window. Finally. We could find out today, or we could hang by a string until the end of March. We're praying for soon, but not holding out hope.

Nate's up for reassignment. Boulder wants him. He wants Boulder. But this is the Air Force, and what's done is not always logical or the best fit. Jobs are chosen based on how a group of people a few states away interprets your goals and what they think the best fit is for you. Often times the best fit is wherever they need someone the most, whether or not it will "benefit" your military career.

It sure does come in handy at this time to have our faith in God. Whatever the outcome we know that our lives and all the grimey little details are in His big, encompassing hands. We'd like to stay here... we think. On the other hand, if we were uprooted to Vandenberg AFB in California we'd understand exactly why God would put us there. Maybe they'll ship us off to somewhere that hasn't even crossed our minds yet. But, maybe we should get out altogether and take a different path. It's been on our minds lately, coming and going with each new development.

We've chosen this life, and it's turned out to be a good one for the most part. We have a beautiful home, the bills are paid, and job security is never an issue. On the other hand, Nate refuses to sacrifice his family or integrity to make his OPR's look good. (I think that stands for Officer Performance Review, maybe it's Report.) He'd rather be at home than talking in circles over quasi-solutions to made up problems with officers who are only out to promote themselves and make anyone in their way look bad. On the other hand, Nate has what is most likely the happiest crew ever in his squadron. He listens to his people and takes care of their issues. He is an excellent leader and is loved for it. Airmen jockey position to get switched to his crew. Sometimes they call our home just to get his opinion, because it truly matters to them. On the other hand, I don't want him to wind up burned out and unmotivated from years of fighting a losing battle against superior officers who care more about their own promotion than the well being of those under their direction. So, maybe we should keep on with the Air Force because it needs leaders like my Nate. I guess wherever we are, as Christians, we will always be going against the grain. For all its perceived integrity, the military is no different.

We're trying not to let the unknown wear on us. Trusting God, trusting God. But, even then the not knowing takes its toll. Whatever comes down, wherever they want him, decisions will have to be made. Sometimes change is easier than staying where you are. Staying where you are means you have to deal with what's in front of you, instead of putting it aside and moving on. But, we grow by working through things. Moving on rarely solves anything. And ultimately God will make it clear what He has for us...
I hope.
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Wednesday, January 4, 2006

Jewel

Why are the majority of her songs so depressing? At the moment I'm trying to think of a song of hers that is uplifting, and I just can't do it. I do not have her entire life's work memorized, mind you. It's just that I was listening to her today and literally had to turn it off because it was bring me down so fast!
I love her style.
I love her songs.
I just don't love getting so depressed.
I guess there's a season for everything, and this afternoon wasn't my season to listen to Jewel.

"Dreams last for so long, even after they're gone
I know you'll love me and soon I know you will see
You were meant for me, and I was meant for you."

Yeah, it could be positive, if the whole thing wasn't how stale life was without whomever she's singing to.

Mhmm.

(Sorry. I'm not feeling well. I'm crampy and have a headache. I didn't have anything better to write about, but wanted to write anyway.)
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Tuesday, January 3, 2006

Bill

"Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be nuts like us?
Silly and foolish all day long
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?

Weeeeellllll Theeeeeerrrreeee was an old man
And his name was Bill
And he lived at the bottom of a hill
And he never took a bath
And he never will
So come on gang
Let's spit on Bill!

Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be nuts like us?
Silly and foolish all day long
Boom, boom, ain't it great to be crazy?"


Ah, old 4-H camp songs. Once they're in your head they never really leave. But, be forewarned if you teach them to your children. Your husband will get upset and go on and on about why in the world you would sing, let along teach to impressionable youngsters, such a deplorable and detestable thing. (Nevermind that HE teaches them how to get the best burp sound and how to make the loudest armpit farts.)


"Catalina Matalina Whoopastalla Whopastalla Hokumpokumpokum was her name.
She had to lips as big as weiners, used 'em on the floor for vacuum cleaners..."
(Mom, we have you to thank for this one. The hours of silly enjoyment it provided for a mother and her children a couple decades ago has translated to hours more of silly enjoyment as one of those children is now a mother with her own kids to entertain!)
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Monday, January 2, 2006

some kind of ordinary

Life can seem so ordinary. But isn't that what we're supposed to excel at? Wherever we're at, do our best. 2006 feels just like 2005. Every new year always feels like the last, apart from that small nagging knowledge that this is our "chance" to make a fresh start and possibly stick to it.

But, do you know what I mean when I say ordinary? Going about the same things I always go about. Unloading and reloading the dishwasher. Switching laundry and folding it. Emptying the trash. Making necessary phone calls. Sweeping the kitchen for the millionth time. Making the same cup of tea every single morning. (If the Commissary would ever carry Madagascar Vanilla Red I'd have a different kind!) Resolving the kids' disagreements. Driving them to countless datees on my calendar. Trying to do everything better.

Ordinary.

But I'm called to do everything as if doing it for Christ... because I AM doing it for Christ. Taking care of my family is serving Him. Cleaning up spilt milk under the table more times than I can count is serving Jesus. Smiling at that person stuck in traffic beside me is serving Jesus. If I do what I do out of love, if I serve the people I love out of LOVE, then I am making a difference. Even in my ordinary.

So I will keep on keeping on in my ordinary, in my routine. It can be easy to loose sight of the "why" and think of it as a "have to." In all honesty, I do that quite often. I can slip in to that numbness of just existing. But if I take the time to dance in the kitchen with the kids at lunchtime and give a few tickles before naps and use my spatula as a microphone when Superchick comes on and sqeeze my hubby's rear as he passes me in the hallway and wear my bright red heels (and my purple ones, and my pink ones, and my green ones, and my...) and listen, really listen, to those that tell me I touched them in some way... then my ordinary will become extraordinary as I live my life dancing with my Jesus.

Because, really, it's not my life that I'm living. It's His.
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